This is What Happens When A Biologist Learns to Knit

Introducing Mr. Knitted Lab Rat and Mr. Knitted Frog:
(I call them "Mr." because I don't see obvious signs of knitted ovaries or a uterus, duh)

Patterns available on etsy.

Edited to add:
These patterns are also available on Ravelry: Lab Rat,and the Frog.

Photos courtesy of CraftyHedgehog

Let's Talk Digestion

+

=

Or if you are an I Can Has Cheezburger fan and perfer to think the cat, in fact, did get the cheeseburger:

Poop photos compliments of agmr and Pocket Farmer via flickr. You must check out Pocket Farmer's knitted poop, and the letter from her nephew requesting said item. It is too cute! The poop knitters are getting a free pass on the question "why would you knit that?" I mean come on, sometimes shit just happens.

Caution: May Cause Retinal Bleeding

Cue Thriller theme music...NOW:

Now before you go and accuse me of pulling these out of an old knitting book from the 80's, I have to say: these were recently added to the net as patterns. RECENTLY. Now I have to admit that my hair resembled a few of the models (think bangs hitting the ceiling fan blades), and I owned a totally bitchin' pink sweater complete with poofy sleeves and really thick shoulder pads, but those retired with my denim mini-skirt and my bottle of Aqua Net hairspray. The return of bell-bottoms was bad enough (oh sorry, "flared" jeans as they are now called) but I can't handle the return of the 80's, my eyesight is damaged enough from pong!

All photos compliments of DROPS designs.

Wearable Lapghan?

Have you ever seen a really ugly afghan and thought to yourself: that would make an awesome skirt? Well, someone did.

Because they ROCK! That's Why.

Do people even say "that rocks" anymore? Well if they don't then they should, because these crocheted Boobie Potholders rock. My only question is does the nipple hinder their flexibility? Don't you hate when your boobies get in the way? I sure do.

Technically, these are crocheted, but I don't discriminate.




That looks like a price tag in the top photo. These are from the same creator as the crochet vagina tissue cozy. If anyone knows if she has an online store, please email me. I will gladly link to her.

Scary Knitting

Compliments of TFC1 on YouTube. Who knew you could knit blood!

Just Say No!

With the holiday's approaching: Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas...I would like to take this opportunity to address holiday sweaters. There is only one time it is appropriate to wear a brightly colored, bulky, multicolored ugly sweater, and that is when and only when you are dressing up as Bill Cosby for halloween. And really, past the late 80's who does that anyway? I don't care what the lady on Quacker Factory tells you, Halloween sweaters are never a good idea. Never.

Fun Fur

You know why it is called fun fur? Because people will MAKE FUN of you, that's why!

It Comes in Kids Sizes, too!

When you buy yourself that Coat of Many Colors, don't forget the kids!

I Think I Found Her Daughter!

The daughter of the C U Next Tuesday bag creator that is. I have to say folks, up until today I have said everything with humor, but this time I think I am actually offended. I mean, I get the humor of the vajayjay tissue box I featured in a previous post, and the Willie Warmers so many are fond of. (I for one am not a fan of the willie warmers, they just give me a visual I don't care to think about) But today's entry, I think it missed the mark in humor, and making a statement. Is it just me? Hey, at least she's a crafty one though!

For those of you unable to read it clearly, the hat reads "Crafty Cunt". Well "Crafty - Cunt", she seemed adamant about the importance of the dash.

Come On Down!

Rod, what do you have for us today? Why that would be the Totally Tubular Tube Top, Bob. The person with the guess closest to the actual retail price of this item wins the pattern for this top, a copy of the Merriam Webster dictionary so they can learn that "tubular tube" is redundant, and a large paper sack complete with two eyes holes to accessorize their new prize.

Now for those of you that haven't turned on their TV set in the daytime oh say since 1956...

and have no idea why I am talking in The Price is Right speak, this video is for you:

This pattern will only cost you $2.50, not sure how much a new pair of pasties to prevent chafing will run you nowadays though...or maybe you should just knit yourself a pair of those, too. May I suggest Caron Simply Soft.

My Tribute to Cake Wrecks

As a fan of the Cake Wrecks blog, I'd like to give a little shout out with my own version of a cake disaster. Sort of makes you thart to get a ttthenthation uv ttthomettthing on your tttthuung, doesn't it?

Please allow me to present (drum roll please) Knitted Wedding Cakes!

Awesomely Funny and Adding Labels

As you may or may not have noticed (who am I kidding, why would you notice) I haven't been using labels for my blog entries. It is tough to come up with a list of possible labels with so few posts, but today, inspired by my latest entry, I am going to finally add labels. I'm sure the list will grow with time, but here is what we have for now:

General Offenders:

Could be worse, but still begs the question: "Why would you knit that?"

Honorable Mention:

Somewhat pointless, not hideous, could even be the most adorable thing ever, but still not worth the time and effort to knit/crochet, etc.

Avert Your Eyes:

Look away people, these are the crème de la crème, the bread and butter, certain to make your scratch your head, and possibly your eyes.

Freaking Awesome

Just too damn funny/cool to fall into any other category.

.....which brings me to today's entry:

No your eyes aren't playing tricks on you...it is a Vagina tissue cover.

Is This What Dolly Parton Was Talking About?

We all know the song, don't lie, no matter how young (or old) you are, you have heard it at least once in your life. You know the one, about the coat of many colors her mother (she probably said "mama") made for her? She was so proud of it when she headed off to school, only to be teased by the other kids. Well Dolly, honey, if yours looked anything like this I might know why that happened:

And being the cheap little smartass that I am, you know I like to comment on how much this lovely pattern will cost you, typically followed by the phrase "and your dignity". Today's feature is no different: That would be $12.50 and your dignity please.

I would also like to add a little note on today's post and say "thank you" for all of the nice comments and emails I have received because of this blog. Of course it goes without saying that this blog was created all in fun, and to be honest, even when I tease I am still impressed (no matter how hideous) at the things people are able to create with some yarn and a needle or two. I am glad to see that I am not taken too seriously (at least no hate mail yet), and some of you guys are seriously funny!