It Comes in Kids Sizes, too!

When you buy yourself that Coat of Many Colors, don't forget the kids!

I Think I Found Her Daughter!

The daughter of the C U Next Tuesday bag creator that is. I have to say folks, up until today I have said everything with humor, but this time I think I am actually offended. I mean, I get the humor of the vajayjay tissue box I featured in a previous post, and the Willie Warmers so many are fond of. (I for one am not a fan of the willie warmers, they just give me a visual I don't care to think about) But today's entry, I think it missed the mark in humor, and making a statement. Is it just me? Hey, at least she's a crafty one though!

For those of you unable to read it clearly, the hat reads "Crafty Cunt". Well "Crafty - Cunt", she seemed adamant about the importance of the dash.

Come On Down!

Rod, what do you have for us today? Why that would be the Totally Tubular Tube Top, Bob. The person with the guess closest to the actual retail price of this item wins the pattern for this top, a copy of the Merriam Webster dictionary so they can learn that "tubular tube" is redundant, and a large paper sack complete with two eyes holes to accessorize their new prize.

Now for those of you that haven't turned on their TV set in the daytime oh say since 1956...

and have no idea why I am talking in The Price is Right speak, this video is for you:

This pattern will only cost you $2.50, not sure how much a new pair of pasties to prevent chafing will run you nowadays though...or maybe you should just knit yourself a pair of those, too. May I suggest Caron Simply Soft.

My Tribute to Cake Wrecks

As a fan of the Cake Wrecks blog, I'd like to give a little shout out with my own version of a cake disaster. Sort of makes you thart to get a ttthenthation uv ttthomettthing on your tttthuung, doesn't it?

Please allow me to present (drum roll please) Knitted Wedding Cakes!

Awesomely Funny and Adding Labels

As you may or may not have noticed (who am I kidding, why would you notice) I haven't been using labels for my blog entries. It is tough to come up with a list of possible labels with so few posts, but today, inspired by my latest entry, I am going to finally add labels. I'm sure the list will grow with time, but here is what we have for now:

General Offenders:

Could be worse, but still begs the question: "Why would you knit that?"

Honorable Mention:

Somewhat pointless, not hideous, could even be the most adorable thing ever, but still not worth the time and effort to knit/crochet, etc.

Avert Your Eyes:

Look away people, these are the crème de la crème, the bread and butter, certain to make your scratch your head, and possibly your eyes.

Freaking Awesome

Just too damn funny/cool to fall into any other category.

.....which brings me to today's entry:

No your eyes aren't playing tricks on you...it is a Vagina tissue cover.

Is This What Dolly Parton Was Talking About?

We all know the song, don't lie, no matter how young (or old) you are, you have heard it at least once in your life. You know the one, about the coat of many colors her mother (she probably said "mama") made for her? She was so proud of it when she headed off to school, only to be teased by the other kids. Well Dolly, honey, if yours looked anything like this I might know why that happened:

And being the cheap little smartass that I am, you know I like to comment on how much this lovely pattern will cost you, typically followed by the phrase "and your dignity". Today's feature is no different: That would be $12.50 and your dignity please.

I would also like to add a little note on today's post and say "thank you" for all of the nice comments and emails I have received because of this blog. Of course it goes without saying that this blog was created all in fun, and to be honest, even when I tease I am still impressed (no matter how hideous) at the things people are able to create with some yarn and a needle or two. I am glad to see that I am not taken too seriously (at least no hate mail yet), and some of you guys are seriously funny!

Meet Francois

OK, this little fella isn't being featured because I think he is stupid or pointless or anything, but simply because, for some odd reason, he makes me hungry. Yes my vegan followers, you can shoot me now.

Here is the pattern for those of you wanting a little crustacean of your own.

Why?

I hate power cords. I really do. And I hate very few things. Sure they keep things working and all, but c'mon. I trip on my laptop power cord at least once a day and always at night. I get them tangled around my feet sitting at my desk, I trip over them at work. I have too many of them behind my nightstand. Get your mind out of the gutter, I am talking lamp, alarm clock, phone charger, and bluetooth charger. I hate powercords. I hate weird knitted things, and I am amused that someone is trying to sell this pattern on etsy for $5.00!! The pattern maker claims this is a pattern for anyone wanting to have a little fun and use up a one skein-er. They also claim they have been selling these on etsy for a while. What? I think I could come up with a more creative way to kill myself. Like knitting myself a pretty scarf to hang myself with instead of a power cord. Is it just me? The only thing I can think of that I hate more than random power cords is a rash, a terrible, unsightly, itchy rash. Maybe I could knit myself one of those.

And to think I complain about paying $5.00 to download a sweater pattern.

Random Flickr Oddities

I'd like to point out that EVERYTHING in this photo is knitted, including the chair frame. If you took all of the time used to knit this knitted garden, and did something like, I don't know, volunteer at a humane society, nursing home, or children's hospital, someone could have made a REAL difference.
This is a knitted devil doll. Nightmares anyone?
Mmmmmm, tasty:

For You Trekkies Out There